What Will I Do Without You? {An Open Letter to My Husband}

To my wonderful husband,

You’re lying in bed asleep and I can’t stop crying. You are a soldier who has been called to action and will be leaving us soon. While I have known about this for quite some time, and I feel I am as prepared for it as I’ll ever be, I’ll never truly be ready to let you go and I need you to know how I feel and what you mean to me.

You came into my life when I wasn’t looking and you brought a kind of light that I’d never experienced before. You won me over with your charm, your charisma, and your beautiful smile and I was smitten from that first moment. Our first dates were mostly spent in a truck or snowplow, as you wanted to help your crew out as much as you could through those winter months. It didn’t hurt that you showed me your nice guy side right away and I loved every minute of those long nights when we had nothing to do but talk and laugh. (And because of you I learned how to use a snow blower!)

I was also afraid. I was afraid to let myself fall for someone that fit me as well as you did. That something this wonderful couldn’t be real. That fear quickly melted away and my feelings grew into something much more, and it was visible to everyone in my life. Over the first few months of our dating, all of my friends and family came to know you.  I remember their words on our wedding night, that it seemed as if we’d known each other forever. That there was never any awkwardness between us. That they saw from the beginning that we were just us.

What I love most about us is that in finding each other, we not only found the person to share our love with, but we also gained a friendship that can never be replaced. You are not only my husband but also my best friend. You bring me excitement every morning and peace at night.  You are the person I can always count on and the person I can trust with my secrets and my life.  You complement me in the best way possible and have only ever added to my happiness. Our life together is the greatest adventure I have ever had and I could never thank you enough for taking me on your life journey with you.

FB_IMG_1428347853427I love the life we have created together.  The life that includes regular date nights, even if it’s just in the house. Cooking dinner together, and including our little guy in the process.  I love how we play games together so that we can get a little competitiveness out… even if it is over a game of Yahtzee.  I love how we have our shows we have to watch together. I love that we roll our pants up to our knees and stand in the creek looking for the ancient turtle who lives in it, who you named Bill just for fun. I love how you roll over in the middle of the night and throw your arm over my stomach and nuzzle your head into my shoulder. It wakes me up but makes me smile as I fall back to sleep. Having you next to me at night is what I will miss the most. I love when we go out and paint the town red, blue, purple, green, or whatever color we are in the mood for.  You are as spontaneous as I am and you have made me even more adventurous.  You keep me grounded and at the same time, you lift me up to reach new heights.

But you are going away soon. And I will miss you beyond words.  I’ve tried to hold it together, keeping in mind that each morning begins another day I have you here, but the days are coming to an end and it’s getting harder, trying to fit in all of the time we can while we still have work and other obligations. So while I wanted to tell you all of the things I love about us, I also wanted to tell you that I have wondered for so long, what will I do without you?  Here is my answer:

I will continue to build our home into what we want it to become.  A place of love, warmth, respect, comfort, and joy (and I will probably paint all of the rooms!).  I will love our little boy hard enough for the both of us.  I will hug him harder, kiss him more, and simply highlight all of your awesomeness while you are away. And I will love you harder and more than I ever have. After all, it is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I will appreciate you more for the sacrifices you are making on behalf of others who you nor I even know. I will keep myself healthy. I will do things that make me happy. I will take care of myself! I will be strong!  And I will honor what I promised you the night we became husband and wife when I placed your ring on your finger “as a symbol of my love and honesty, as a constant reminder, that I have chosen you, above all others. To be the one, to share my life.”

With all of my love,

your wife

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