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I Don’t like My Mother

I don’t like my mother.

Yes, I said it. I don’t like my mother. I’m 40 plus years old and don’t have a meaningful relationship with her.

I speak to her because of my daughter.

My daughter shouldn’t have to suffer because of our issues but still, their relationship is strained. All of this breaks my heart. But at this point I feel like there is nothing that will change. I have tried to talk to my mother about my feelings. But it’s hard because she is adamant in her viewpoint and struggles to understand why I feel like I do.

How do you deal with insolence?

My blood pressure goes up every time we have to talk. My mother tells me she is afraid to interrupt or doesn’t want to call at a bad time. I try to be understanding and explain our schedule. I remind her that we will get back with her if it’s not a good time or if we are unavailable. But it seems she always throws in a guilt trip. I wish she would take into consideration that we work and have extra-curricular activities in the evenings. I want her to remember that we have to feed and bathe a small child at the end of the day who needs her rest for school. But it’s frustrating because she takes offense that she can’t talk to her granddaughter.

How long do you put up with this relationship and behavior?

Honestly, I chose not to for a long time. Then I had a child and I wanted them to have a relationship. It’s not my daughter’s fault my mother and I don’t get along. But my daughter senses our strained relationship and unfortunately she has probably picked up some of my disdain towards her. But deep down I’m afraid that my daughter and I will end up with a bad relationship too. 

Why do I not like my mother?

The reasons why my mother and I don’t get along could fill a book. After my father died, our relationship took a turn for the worst. She was impulsive in her decisions and unfortunately, I had to support myself early on in life. There is so much more that I don’t wish to divulge but clearly I have good reasons why our relationship is this way.

I wish my mother and I had a better relationship.

I see mothers and daughters going shopping and doing things together and my heart hurts. I just pray that my daughter and I have a good relationship when she gets older. I promise my daughter I’ll be there for her. I won’t leave her. I will support her in all her extra-curricular activities and everything she wants to do. I’ll help her with college (and she will work too.) I’ll always make sure she has family support.

I promise she will have all the things I did not.

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