Married at 42
When you are young, you have these big dreams for your life, and hopefully, most of them come true. Usually, divorce and remarriage aren’t part of those dreams. Getting remarried at 42 often isn’t part of your life plan when you are young. However, I’m here to tell you that it can still be a fairytale.
Fairytales as an adult
My definition of a fairytale is different than it was when I was younger. Today as an adult my fairytale is more about a loving, caring person with a good career than the shallower values of previous years. I’ve got a little girl now, and a man that’s in my life must cherish her. That’s my new version of a fairytale.
Children, dating, and a new dad
When children are in the mix, it’s just different. You can’t just go out whenever you want. It’s more expensive and takes planning. You can’t simply just go out with a guy because he’s cute anymore… does he have a good job, not wear white shoes, does he have children, has he been married before (if so, numerous times?). The questions go on and on. Most don’t bring their children into the mix until they are comfortable with the new choice. Then when the decision is made to introduce the children, that is a huge indicator and can be a stress point. Hopefully, that all goes well.
He asked & you said yes
You decide this is the one and he does too; then you get engaged. Next, you get to plan your 2nd wedding. You want to treat it like it’s your only wedding, but in the back of your mind, you both know it’s your second wedding. You want to do things differently than you did before maybe not, but I know I did. You definitely want it to be special but perhaps not as lavish, or maybe you do. I knew I didn’t want a big wedding either time, so for me this was a little bit easier. This time I married someone who wanted to invite half the United States population so that became a challenge. We waited a year trying to figure out how to accommodate everyone and then realized we were not accommodating ourselves. So we decided on a small wedding that cost $200 total maybe. We ended up getting married in a public park, which was free, with 7 of our closest family members that are in Indiana. Our entire family by blood lives in Tennessee. My best friend commented afterward “everyone should get married that way.” Mind you she’s been married twice.
Dress shopping in your forties
I was in one of those popular dress shops where everyone brings their entire family, friends, people they haven’t seen in years. Here I was a 40 something with my 5-year-old in tow. We had our own party, she enjoyed seeing me dress up but mainly wanted to look around. However, I saw the looks of the people who looked at me and almost felt sorry for me. I’m sure they thought because it was just us that we were missing out on the excitement of picking out the dress. Let me tell you it was so relaxing to pick out my dress without listening to the different voices of an opinionated audience. But I saw it, and I felt it, and they didn’t want to be me, and I don’t blame them. However, the second could be the best.
You see people change
Thank goodness we change. We don’t want the same thing in our 40’s that we want in our 20’s. I get happy over robotic vacuums now… it’s sad but true. In my 20’s, I got happy over my college professor letting us out of class early.
Happily ever after and feeling worthy
Whether you are 24 or 42, marriage is going to be a building block of your life. Not the only block of your foundation but a large important one. No one is perfect, I mean I am, but he’s not (haha). The hardest part is feeling like you are worth all the hoopla and attention of the wedding. It’s my second; I failed at the first one. All the feelings of guilt and unworthiness come rushing forward when anyone says, “Oh congratulations!” I want to say look… thanks but it’s just a life choice we have both made. We love each other and pick each other. There are no congratulations in that… congratulate me when we haven’t driven ourselves to the crazy farm 10 years into the marriage. I mean that’s real life. Now we know he sticks his dirty socks in his chair when he sits down… to get them “later” he says. We also know, he always lets a woman go first and makes sure his “girls” are put first and respected. The adage you pick your battles is so very true. Oh, and he also always leaves the lid up on the downstairs bathroom so much so the dog has forgotten where his own water bowl is.. yes he drips all over the seat and the bathroom floor (insert cussing emoji here). Basically, your perspective on life changes and hopefully it’s in a good way. We all struggle with feeling worthy in so many different occasions in life. Luckily in this phase, I’ve found in myself that it’s ok to talk to someone about it, and I have a partner that will listen. For all this, I now realize, I am very fortunate.