I’m SAHM Lonely

Life as a SAHM

Life as a Stay at Home Mom or SAHM is not glamorous and is often times lonely. For an introverted mother, such as me, it has been a lonely couple of years staying home with my son. He is awesome and amazing, but he lacks life experience and conversation skills to fill an afternoon. A cup of coffee and a good conversation about an adult topic is always appreciated.  I love being able to do whatever we want during the days. But often times it is just the two of us and on a time clock before a massive meltdown happens.

SAHM Regan with son

The reason I stay at home, my little man Damon. Photo by Sarah Lu Photography

Our Days Together

My days are not spent leisurely sipping coffee through Target with a happy kid in the carriage looking at items I do not need for my imaginary well maintained house. The one time I did try this shopping excursion it ended in a full blown meltdown and it was this past Monday. My house usually looks like a toy store exploded with Cheerios landmines strategically placed in the only path from room to room.

Making dinner is an adventure, even when you plan ahead. By the time my husband gets home, he has that look of, “What did she do all day.” There have been a couple of times my reply has been, “Your child survived the day, that is all that is important.” One mom described cleaning a house with toddlers, is like brushing your teeth with Oreos. I think of that every time I look at my living room, a.k.a the child’s play area. Finding the time to write this post or even think about doing something art related (I’m an artist), is just not in the cards right now.

Finding a Place to Call my Own

This summer I decided to find a place for women like me. It led me to a local MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) group  and even to the ladies of Indianapolis Moms Blog. I am an older mom and many of my friends have older children or have decided to not have children. To fight the void of not having a solid base of mommy friends, I went looking for those in my situation.

The MOPS group is great and I am starting to get to know the ladies, but many are younger. While I do not mind the age differences, sometimes a few short years can be the difference in finding common ground. Finding my place among other mothers has also forced me to be more extroverted and that has been a challenge.

These past couple of years, I find that I am intimidated by the women who manage to do so much and be mothers. I have even gone as far as to think lesser of myself for not having a career, running a business or gaining more education on top of raising a family. I admire those women who juggle so much, plus have amazing families. It is hard to not compare yourself next to others when you join groups. If you are one of those enigmas who does not compare, please share your secrets!

Good vs Bad

I am still a lonely mom looking for others who have a similar story. The good thing about being a SAHM is the quality time I get to have with my son. He is my miracle that I thought would never happen. Staying home has allowed me to see and share in all the little things that are big milestones for him. For my son, I am forced to be out of my comfort zone in social settings, when I have been content to set back in the past.  

The bad thing is putting my artistic aspirations on the back-burner for the moment. I just do not have the abilities or confidence to practice my craft. At almost 42 years, I would have thought I would have figured out what I was going to be when I grew up. The alone time has provided opportunity for me to think about the what if scenarios and career decisions I have made.  There are many things I can check off from my Bucket List, but I still have yet to find the one thing that really embodies who I am. My hope is to be the best mom I can be.

I am lucky to have fulfilled the dream of having a son and being able to stay home with him. When job titles have a tendency to define who we are and who we become, I am a Stay at Home Mom. I stay at home to experience all the little things because he may be the only child I am able to have these Adventures in Motherhood. I am lonely for adult conversation, but not for love.

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3 Responses to I’m SAHM Lonely

  1. Sue November 30, 2017 at 8:25 am #

    Do know that many of us “working moms” wish just for one week we could live the SAHM life too… the thoughts you have are global. The sentiments are similar and the meltdowns happen to us all. I recall a time at this point last year when I took my usually well behaved five year old to Target for some odds and ends and to get Christmas tree lights. We had discussed everything we would get before we went in but the finer point of the color of the lights, we had missed. She desperately wanted colored lights and I had monochromatic ornaments which would not look right with rainbow lights which led to what seemed like WW3. The supporting nods, comments, etc as I abandoned the cart and took her to the car are what got me through that shopping trip and many others. Stick with it, take those chances bc we’re all here for you.

  2. Merri November 30, 2017 at 11:45 am #

    You are welcome at Bethel Lutheran MOMS Group in Noblesville. It is free and you can bring your son to play with other kids. It is for mothers of all ages with kids of all ages. A place to fill your cup and connect without judgement. Visit the Facebook page for more info. You may contact me at [email protected].

  3. Sarah December 10, 2017 at 10:40 am #

    I have been both a working mom and stay at home mom. They are both hard jobs. I have been home now about a year. I tried joining a group like MOPS but went one time and they didn’t change my baby until he wet himself or offer him a bottle the whole 2 hours we were there. My son had tears in his lashes. We never went back. I would rather be lonely then to worry about my child. When he is with me I know he is being cared for. It gets lonely but it’s hard to find someone you click with. I am close to my mom though so that helps.

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