Breastfeeding: The Love/Hate Relationship

I have been breastfeeding for two years, with only a 3 month break between. Before you give me an overwhelming hand clap, let me precede this by saying I don’t necessarily love it (insert imaginary eye roll). The opportunity to breastfeed is not one that I take lightly; however, it is still not necessarily how I pictured spending two years of my life.
 

The SAGA begins

When I had my daughter in 2015, there was a part of me that didn’t want to breastfeed. I felt that I had done my duty, I carried her for 9 months, labored for 25 hours, and had an emergency C-section. Once she was finally here, the last thing I wanted to worry about was nursing, and quite frankly, Momma needed a nap and a glass of wine. Furthermore,  I heard the stories from my friends and I saw the amount of responsibility that it would take, and I wondered if I could do this, as well as whether I have the guts to be solely responsible for feeding a person? However, once the nurses gave her to me and she began to cry, they pulled down my gown and ever so politely said “Are you ready to nurse her?” I didn’t have the heart, nor was I coherent enough to say, “No, Thank you.” So, there began my year journey with Weslie. Then, when I had Trey, a short 15 months later, they figured that since I nursed her, I would nurse him, as well and to say the least. I am still in the throws of breastfeeding. Am I exhausted? Yes, but there is a bit of satisfaction when I see the faces of my children “milk wasted.”

 

Trey at 8 weeks

Weslie at 8 weeks

The bond is amazing. However, while nursing both of my children are connected me to like glue and that can become overwhelming. I also have a career where the hours are unpredictable, so there is constant stress about my supply. On the weekends, Trey constantly wants to nurse so there is not really a break because he doesn’t love the bottle, so to keep my sanity and not have a fussy baby I nurse…all day. Then there is the book bag I have to carry around EVERYWHERE every day.

Tired, yet Grateful

I know there were Benefits to Breastfeeding for both Mom and Baby and for me, the main one was the shrinking of the uterus. Call me vain, but I did anything to attack this baby weight☺.

As a mother, I get the feeling society clutches their imaginary pearls at Moms who don’t breastfeed, they also clutch them at the Moms who do (like myself) and say they don’t love it. My children seemed to thrive while nursing, but I knew there was a limit to it. I know that for me, one year of nursing was enough. I knew I wouldn’t be that Mom that was willing to nurse beyond a year because it is/was extremely time consuming and I felt that once I started solid foods and they got enough teeth, it was time to break up from nursing. I salute the Moms who want to breastfeed until the child says they are done and the Moms who are constantly documenting the experience. However, for me, breastfeeding has been challenging. I am grateful for the opportunity because I am aware that there are Moms who would LOVE to be able to nurse their little one, and I have been fortunate that for 20 months I have had the blessing to utilize my body to feed my babies. I know they may never remember this time, and right now it seems overwhelming, but much like everything in Motherhood, I am grateful for the opportunity.

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