Confidence and self-esteem and a little vanity are traits admired in men. Not often will you hear, “WOW. He’s really stuck on himself!” when talking about a confident, smart, well-dressed, good-looking man who knows just how good he looks and just how smart he is. But in women? That’s all you’ll hear if a woman has the same confidence in herself. And 99% of the time, you’ll hear it from other women.
Why is this confidence in oneself admired in men and despised in women? What is so wrong with a woman loving herself? Why are women judged so harshly by each other for knowing their worth?
This double standard is something that’s been in the back of my mind for basically my entire life. I want to be confident. I am confident. But I can only show it when it’s socially acceptable. Job interviews, most of the time — just not too much. With my horses, always. In my actual job, at times. Otherwise, I’m seen as vain. Narcissistic. Rude. Overbearing. Bossy. Stuck up. Even my posture has been up for debate among my peers in a past life — apparently, good posture equates to one being a struck-on-herself snob.
Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful…and I’ll Do the Same For You
Ladies, please. We should admire these qualities in each other. We should always seek to achieve and keep the knowledge that we are smart and beautiful and worth respect. We should want this for ourselves and for the rest of womankind. For ourselves, our daughters, our mothers, our sisters, our friends, and yes — even our enemies. Strong, confident women change the world. They get shit done. They know what they’re worth and they don’t stop trying.
Yes, I am confident. Yes, I know I’m beautiful and smart and funny and worth the time. And I remind myself of this 20 times a day because I want my own sweet daughters to know that they are beautiful and smart and funny and worth the time. I do not ever want my oldest daughter — my little twin who gets told every single day that she is exactly like me in every way — to see me hating any part of my appearance or
mind or personality. I do not want her to think that she should hate the same parts of herself because we share so many traits. I practice self-care every day in some way, and I’ve dropped the self-deprecating talk. My body is beautiful. My nose is my grandpa Charlie’s and it’s a lovely reminder of him every single day. Right on my face and there every time I look in the mirror. My mind is active. Intelligent. Imaginative. Critical. I am smart. I love to learn. And create. And teach. And share. My personality is fun. Passionate. Hilarious. Loving. Compassionate. Empathetic. Kind. Quirky. Weird. Happy. Sad. Anxious. Worrisome.
We all have our own different traits — inside and outside — that we need to learn to love and embrace in ourselves and in each other.
So ladies, repeat after me: I am confident and smart and beautiful. And just because I am, doesn’t mean you’re not. There’s space here for us: even if we have to create it.
We are all confident and smart and beautiful.