We all have our favorite places like vacation spots, massage parlors, parks, trails, restaurants, gyms, nail salons…aaaahhh, you can probably vividly picture these primo happy places and smile. But, then there are the places and appointments that absolutely make us cringe. We dread them. We procrastinate. We delay some more. We reschedule. We finally go…knowing it is going to be filled with all sorts of suck just like every time before, but we just need to persevere and get through it. Here’s a list of my top ten dreaded places, in no particular order!
I love the aftermath of a good teeth cleaning, but the process, not so much. ICK! Scrape, scrape, scrape. Floss, floss, floss. And the dental hygienists are so nice, but they talk to me the whole time they’re poking and prodding around in my mouth, and they ask questions that I can only miserably try to answer because I have utensils being shoved in my mouth. So I end up sounding super weird and wonder if they can even understand my answers. Oh, and if you have ever had to have “impressions” of your teeth made, I’m so sorry. Those trays always make me feel like I am going to puke. I look just like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber when he finds out his best friend Harry is going on a date with the beloved Mary. Gag.
2) Parent meetings
These aren’t always bad. Ok, so usually they are. Whether, it’s for school, sports or whatever, these meetings are never brief as promised. But each time we still go, smiles on our faces and fingers crossed, filled with hope the meeting will last an hour or less. We care about these things, we really do…but we still don’t want to sit through long meetings! We have (lots of) things to do before we truly get tired or “hangry” or both…not a very good combination (ask my hubby). So, POOF! Those hopes for a speedy meeting are almost always crushed. The culprit? Well, usually, it’s because some people just like to hear themselves talk. These people thrive on asking unnecessary questions or inserting unsolicited comments in any and every meeting because they apparently have to be seen and heard. At first you hear crickets toward the end when the meeting organizer says, “Are there any questions?” You check your phone. You look at the time in a mix of excitement, hesitation and desperation, wishing and hoping this is finally it! But then you see a hand raised. And another hand raised. Then the questions and comments start. And fake, nervous, beautifully impatient laughter ensues. Aaaaand, 20 minutes later, the next thing you know, the lead of the meeting is apologizing that things ran “a little over.” Sigh.
Please, no. I despise having to go here. Typically the wait is horrific. The chairs are so close together as you endure the misery of that extended wait time, and it’s hard not to feel like all eyes are on you, well, because they are. And those random eyes shoot daggers your way when it’s your turn and you rise up, almost feeling like you’re on top of the world with a little extra sway in your hip as you walk up to the counter. I am always tempted to scream, “I won! I won!” when my number is finally called (I’ve also thought about doing this at ATM machines when the cash comes out), but I refrain because I don’t want to get cut by someone. It truly has to be a silent victory, you know, for safety reasons, but hey, that’s ok.
This past fall we had to add my name to the title of my hubby’s new car (thanks to the dealership, who forgot to process it the first time…don’t get me started on how they have no clue what tangled situation they created because now I had to go the BMV with a toddler! Oh, the horror!). Within our first few minutes of waiting, a guy slammed open a side door to the waiting room and bellowed out that he had just “dropped the deuce.” Wow. I really needed to NOT know that, and I absolutely felt even more uncomfortable in a place I didn’t want to be at in the first place and should not have even had to be at, all due to the careless mistake of someone else. Whew.
Anyway, I love how the BMV keeps adding more and more online features for renewing licenses, plates and so forth; anything to keep me from actually having to go there! But, for the times that require a visit, I fully expect a long wait, an interesting crowd and some brusk employees who are usually rude and eager to tell you that you don’t have the necessary paperwork to complete the transaction (and YEP…you get to come back another time). Yay.
4) Bounce houses
These have become a little better as my toddler has gotten older, but Oh. My. Gosh. It’s just so stressful sometimes! Somehow my boy always ends up getting stuck at the top, crying, sucking his thumb and asking for me. The first time this happened I was wearing a dress (I had no clue I would be conquering these inflatable giants as well), but yep, I had to climb up the big ass Monkey Joe’s steps to reach my scared little guy and then slide down with him to safety. Ouch.
It’s loud. The lighting is kind of funky. The kids can be obnoxious. You can’t sit because you have to monitor whether your little ones are safe, or if they’re giving noogies to unsuspecting littles around them. Or heaven forbid if they take off their socks; you will hear it from the little ones AND the adults. Plus, these places have all sorts of candy and junk food galore on display, just waiting for your little ones to beg and have meltdowns when you try to resist. Your mind can’t also help but race and wonder have the bounce structures been cleaned lately? What’s the next illness that is going to invade your house? And, if you are lucky enough to get to talk to the other adult strangers, you realize it’s probably better to just go jump in with the little heathens.
But, on a side note, I may or may not be alone in this thought: Bounce houses are SO much better than Chuck E. Cheese’s. Now that is a place that really needs to consider adding beer and wine carts for the adults amidst the sheer CRAZY that permeates the venue. Chuck E. Cheese should really be called Chucky or Bride of Chucky or Seed of Chucky, you know, to remind parents it’s like a cheesy horror film that is painful to watch and never ends (and has multiple sequels just as bad as the first ten films). The “place where kids can be a kid” (and where adults potentially go unhinged) could still keep their smiley, goofy, non-serial killer mascot; it would be (somewhat) of a win-win. It would be an even bigger win if there weren’t 10 side-by-side birthday parties with hordes of crazed children spending gobs of money and running around trying to collect tickets for prizes from the Dollar Tree. (We should just all have a Dollar Tree party/field trip to save money and maybe cut down on stress? Perfect!)
5) Pediatrician’s office
Germs, germs, germs! More waiting, more sick kids, just more UGH! They are always running behind, and even if you’re lucky enough to get called in by a nurse relatively quickly, you’re just moving to another, smaller room to wait some more for the actual doctor as your toddler grabs germy books and touches even germier toys and surfaces. Woo hoo!
I’m all about cost effectiveness. And yummy food. Together, they should go hand in hand! Yet, there’s just something about buffets that makes me scrounge my nose and shake my head. It just seems kind of dirty sometimes. And gluttonous. Or, maybe it was the time 10 years ago (gosh, I’m old) at a buffet when we witnessed a young boy take the ladle from the buffet spread and put it completely in his mouth before resting it ever so gently back onto the buffet counter. Or, maybe it was the time a few years back when we went to a buffet, and a woman watched me weed out onions from a dish and only put green peppers (my favorite!) on my plate. She literally stood there just watching me with buggy eyes, not actually waiting to put any on her plate, and made a snarky, negative-toned comment about, “Wow, you’re really attacking those green peppers. That’s different…mmmhmmmm.” She proceeded to go all Jerry Springer guest-like on me when I told her that if she wanted to pay for my buffet, that I would be more than happy to put anything on my plate that she desired. Ok, so I think that’s the experience that made me hate buffets. Good talk.
7) Weddings or showers without an open bar
You’re absolutely killing me if you host a wedding or a shower of some sort without an open bar. I know this may sound crazy to some. YES, I get that it’s the occasion that matters in the end. I truly support that. But why not make the occasion more festive and comfortable and potentially crazy? Once at a friend’s wedding reception, my husband yelled, “Let’s get this party poppin’!” and requested 50 Cent “In Da Club.” He and I were the only ones on the dance floor (we are guessing the crowd preferred country music), but HEY! We were free entertainment. And the open bar helped others tolerate the rap music. There’s just something missing if guests can’t enjoy at least a little sippy sippy to help you celebrate your big day or event.
A few years back I went to a bachelorette party that started at the maid of honor’s house. Would you believe this pre-party had NO party? Totally brutal because they also had a Pure Romance representative there…yep, trying to sell us all sorts of nasty boombasty without alcohol. This rep had an arsenal of sex toys and we were all stone. cold. sober. Like I said, it was BRUTAL. She had large suitcases of, um, proposed stimuli and enhancers, and we had nothing to shield us; a total lack of social lubricant, if you will. Eek!
8) Long road trips with a toddler
“Mommy, I need a snack.” “Mommy, I have to pee.” “Mommy, are we almost there yet?” Look at this…look at that…what is this…what is THAT?!
It is a constant narration and a constant challenge to maintain sanity. I admire you brave parents who endure these long road trips more often than we do! Don’t stop, get it get it! And sincerely, good luck with all of that. I salute you!
9) Any grocery store on a Saturday
Venturing out to Meijer or Kroger or any grocery store on a Saturday reminds me that I sometimes hate people. It’s always soooo crowded, and I either have people tailgating me with their carts, or slowing me down by painstakingly examining products on the shelf. Then you either wait in a long line for a register, or you wait in a slightly less longer line for the self-checkout, only to be slowed down and forced to endure the electronic voice of “There is an unexpected item in the bagging area.” Aaaaaahhhhhhh. Every. Single. Time. It just bleeping told me to put the item in the bagging area, and I did, but now it’s telling me there is an unexpected item in the bagging area!
All the profanity!
10) Jury duty
Sucky suck suck suck. I know it’s our civic duty, but it’s a major civic pain in the ass. And there are only so many extensions you can get for reasons like being a breastfeeding mom. Don’t quote me on it, but I’m pretty sure they stop believing you when your youngest kid is 10 or something like that. Boo.
Where are your least favorite places to go? Be sure to comment!