We’re often told that we have to give up so much when we become mothers. On one hand, I agree, on the other.. NOPE. All of the no’s that every existed in Notown. The truth is, I still have wants, needs, dreams and passions even though I’m a mom. Sometimes they just get pushed back to the back burner or placed on hold. This post speaks to the dreams I hold dearly and the moments when just being Candace were important. That said, here is a list of moments that I chose myself as Candace, over being Mommy. These are the moments I chose herself over you, dear daughter. It was my act of selfishness. And I am not sorry.
- That moment that I knew talking to someone about my post-partum depression needed to become a priority. It was a scary moment, It was something that had to happen in order for me to be the mommy I wanted to be.
- The time I decided to continue attending school while in the middle of caring for you. Finishing school was a dream of a mama’s before you were a twinkle. And just as luck would have it, I would learn I was pregnant just after starting again. I would think of quitting. I would cry about the work. But I did it. I finished for me and I’m proud of me.
- That time I waited until you were down for a good nap to enjoy my favorite candy/snack/meal/indulgence in peace. Yep, sometimes mama doesn’t want to share. Those moments of enjoyment were well deserved.
- Those mornings I sleep in. I’m so thankful your daddy can come swoop in and gift me the extra minutes of rest I need when I need them. Your mama loves her sleep. In fact, it was the on thing I worried about during pregnancy, and well, I’ve survived. I love you, but I love my sleep too.
- The moment I began to understand that self caring for me, ultimately means better care for you. Self care is a much needed action in this day and age. When mama needs a moment, I take it. When it all feels like too much, I disconnect. Sometimes that means taking a few moments of time without you. The recharge is vital to our survival as parental-child unit.
Letting go of the guilt and telling myself “yes” or “no” never felt so good. I’m thankful I’ve come to a place to recognize that doing something for me, doesn’t mean you have to lose. And for what it’s worth, mommy will always choose you everyday, without question, but I can choose me too.